books

Remembering a really good quote

"you guys weren't on the same page"
"we weren't in the same book."

I'll grow old and i'll grow brave... one of these days

Hello readers. Nothing much new to update, just a little depressed that summer has officially ended. I worked today in Bondi, gosh what a.. place. I've only been there 4-5 times, i think. Wait maybe more. Who cares. The place is good but gosh it's full of assholes.

My most hated months of January and February are over. I think i'll always hate them from now. I'm going to start liking Autumn and Winter, huddled in front of the heater in my t-shirt and short shorts, refusing to put on warm clothes in false belief that it's not cold, it's just 'not as hot as before.' I wondered into an art store the other day and i saw a book called 100 lists or something. Wtf why buy a book for $20-30 to write down the stuff you like in list form? Which brings me to the idea of writing lists in my blog. I secretly hate people listing an ever growing line of the bands they like, movies they watch on fb, i hate to admit but i did it once upon a time. So i'm going to do it here :) Ranging from the stuff i ate, saw, youtube videos and favourited etc. One of my best friends gave me a very insightful book called 'How to be an Explorer of the World' and it outlined the importance of collecting data. So that's just one of the very many things i'm going to do, for now. Undjoy.

Song of the day - Chocolates and Cigarettes Angus and Julia Stone/Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk Rufus Wainwright

A couple of weeks ago i took on the very, very bad habit of smoking, I was stressed and miserable and smoked my heart away, literally. Last week was all about quitting, headaches, jaw clenching, teeth grinding and night sweats and i guess this cold i have is probably the end product. All this talk just makes me want to light one up.. right.. now.

Stuff I ate today

bondi burger
chips
a can of coke
V black
3 glasses of water
3 eggs
1 slice of really salty and gross bacon
1 choc calciyum

end result = fuck i'm fat bitching it hard this week

Youtube videos favourited today

Pepper Ann intro
Songs mentioned as above
kitty home movies

Movies watched this weekend

Fantastic Mr Fox
The Life Aquatic
One flew over the Cuckoos Nest
Full Metal Jacket
Ferngully

Celebrities looked up on Wikipedia

Bar Refaeli
Frank Lowy
Peter Singer
Jon Stewart

I see a Jewish theme going on here.

Reasons why I didn't go out this weekend

I had a fever
my bed was far too comfortable
Too many drowsy pills that made me sleep :)
I had work the next day
I really don't want to catch a train


Verdict: I probably should get a life.

Uni starts this wednesday! Am I excited? Ye. Helloooo unsw bookstore dude!

4am frolick

At 12:07 am, i felt calm and happy. Slumped against the train window aimlessly looking onto the Sydney skyline. Yeah i was happy.

Song of the day
The National - Mistaken for strangers

Energy

Warning: LAME post

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cuz I put to much enegry in him and me
Can't wait til I get through this phase
Cuz it's killing me
To bad we can't re-write our own history


Such a mystery when he's here with me

I love Keri Hilson.

Hotel rooms

In Bangkok i saw a fortune teller with my ex. I didn't want to do it but i did. With him sitting right beside she was completely oblivious that he was my partner. She read my palm and told me i'll meet my soul mate at 26. I know i shouldn't think too deeply into it. I instantly felt heartbreak and i held his hand tightly right after, I don't know what he was thinking but later in the hotel room i kissed and kissed him and told him he was mine. Deep down i think we both knew we weren't right for each other. Right now, sitting on my bed, writing all teary eyed listening to the radio dept, I wander where my 'soul mate' is and if he's thinking the same thing. Will we miraculously run into each other? Or would we have to find each other.

I thought it was serendipitous with my last. It happened two years ago, I remember bumping into him three times the same day and i showed him my oh so cool artsy photographs i just developed and he showed me his squishy pillow for the trip to Thailand the following day. It's weird how it started and ended with Thailand. Did i mention he was the first boy i ever liked in year 6, and, the first boy i loved. And this time he loved me back.

Song of the day
The Raveonettes - With my eyes closed

it was never meant to be, for me

Revertigo

Last night I went on a ladies date with one of the best people out there. To be honest i just wanted to marinate in my own juices curled up in my bed - BECAUSE IT WAS HOT, wow that sounded derrty. I wanted to sleep and wake up when it's over. But i'm glad i trudged out of bed and went out, it was refreshing. The weather was horrible, and there were too many left over crowds from the previous Chinese new year celebrations. Being the Filipinas we are, we ordered lemon chicken and peking ribs in Chinatown. Yum!

The reason why I don't like going out is because of the inevitable late, lonely train ride home, slumped against the window aimlessly looking out to the Sydney skyline. Not to mention that it was Valentine's day, watching some derro couple incessantly making baby noises, snogging here and there.. it just pushes me over the edge. Not really. I just wanted to barf because both were so heinous. Do you want to know why people hate public displays of affection? it's not because we're jealous. No. It's because the people that do it tend to be FUCKING UGLY. I get the whole teenagers doing it, but that's all. I've never seen a hot couple make out in front of me.. wait for it, because they don't give a shit that they're getting some because they can. Ugly people want to flaunt it. What makes people hate ugly people even more is that they, well, it's even uglier seeing you stick your tongue into another ugly person's mouth.

Wow i sound so bitter about ugly people's public displays of affection but i know everyone feels the same way. Come on.

Over and out!

Grinch

So last night I dreamt a very strange dream. It must have been because I slept at 5. I was in some 16th century palisade and there were all these dead white horses piled up in some sacrificial temple. We had to get rid of the horses so we dumped the bodies in this clear pool that went into some river, and i just remember that it was so blue and clear and all this blood sinking at the bottom. It was so vivid. I also remember that there were these strange alien beings from another castle testing the water and i couldn't talk to them. And i was ordering chocolate from a bar. It was so weird. The castles reminded me of King Rama's Temple in Thailand i visited 2 months ago. I guess that was it.

I looked at the meaning of horses.

If you see a dead horse in your dream, then it indicates that something in your life that initially offered you strength is now gone. This may refer to a relationship or situation. - dreammoods.com

I really don't know why I'm beating myself up so bad. I know i shouldn't feel this way and i really shouldn't hate or blame myself for what happened. It was inevitable. We had a great time together, but maybe we weren't meant to be. It's taken me so long to understand this and I can't not help but feel guilty. Last week I went away to the central coast to try and forget, it did work temporarily but it always lingered in the back of my head. And i did have a lot of fun. But i returned to an empty home and flooding memories coming back to me. I miss being in a relationship but i also took a lot of things for granted, like my family and friends. Even uni work because he was my number one priority. Nothing else mattered. I realise now that has done more damage in the long run. He has changed and he isn't and won't be the same person i fell in love with. Nevertheless one part of me is waiting for him and i really have to let that go.

I literally just got a message from him wishing me a happy valentine's day.. I just don't understand. Last year we had dinner at a Japanese Restaurant and i gave him perfume. I don't remember the rest, but i wish i did. I took so many things for granted and i'm sure he did too. I'll always love him but I have to let him go. He couldn't commit and i could. We were always on different wavelengths. I'm a capricorn and he's an aries, the worst match in the zodiac. I really hate cliches but a long time ago someone said if you love something set it free, and if it comes back then it's meant to be. That happened before but I didn't want them again. I want him back now, but i don't know if i would want him back later. What comes is better than what came before.


Song of the day
I found a reason - Cat Power

I would take you back in a second.

And you would reject me in a heartbeat.

It's so late and i'm listening to the songs to the bands/artists in year 6. Please don't judge me, but do judge me for still liking them.

Vertical Horizon

Oh my God. This was my favourite band in 2000. The first album I ever bought and I listened to it non-stop. I even had trouble sleeping because i would recite the lyrics over and over in my head. 'Everything you want' was what made me buy the album, and it was 29.99... SPEWING! i can't believe i spent that much on aband probably equivalent to Nickelback now. My beloved tracks were 'You're a God' and 'Best I ever had (Grey Sky Morning).' Yes i loved this band because i could easily relate, having my heart broken several times at eleven.. So naive.

Wheatus

Okay so i didn't like the band, but i LOVED teenage dirtbag. I remember buying the single and it had this horrible illustration of a mustang or whatever, ehh. I could have sworn i would have never gotten sick of the song. Hey you know what? after 10 years it's not that bad. It had another song on it called 'Leroy', fuck that was shit.

"i've got two tickets to iron maiden baby come with me friday don't say maybe" - my favourite line.

Sugaray


What the heck happened to them? Everyone was in love with them, or so i thought. I liked a couple of their songs but in truth i wasn't totally LADY GAGA over them. But yeh i had their album too. I liked one of their songs, the sad one. Yeh.

Slim Shady (Eminem)

YES. Slim Shady. He was the bomb. He isn't half as good as he was back then but i still love the guy. I had every single one of his albums, and i regret giving them away in a fit of hip hop hate. I want my slim shady EP back!

Dawson's Creek Soundtrack

I listened to this religiously. Five for fighting - lol is all i have to say.

Nine days

Seriously. What the fuck. My music taste just keeps getting worse.

Blink 182

eugh yeah that's a given.

Abort Abort!

Pablo Neruda

"Love is so short; forgetting is so long."

Happy Valentine's Day

"When the Supremes sang about how "Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do," they weren't kidding. Not only are you thrown back into the category of singletons, most people, myself included, ask themselves the overwhelming and unfair question, "What did I do wrong?" News flash: probably nothing. The break up most likely had to do with the fact that along some lines the two of you just weren't meant to be together."

Each day is meant to get easier but i find it the total opposite. I miss watching the sun glimmer over your shoulders in the morning. Listening to your heartbeat before going to sleep and then i'll listen to mine right after. I loved pressing my head against your stomach and make out sounds while watching movies. I want to go back to the way things were but you don't want to. I keep thinking if i see you the pain would go away. But when i do i expect you to smile and hug me. I know you want to be alone so i'll give you loneliness.