I carry your heart with me.

little bit

and for you i keep my legs apart
and forget about my tainted heart
and i will never ever be the first
to say it
but still I,
yes you know I..I..I..
i would do it,
push a button
pull a trigger,
climb a mountain
jump off a cliff,
'cause you know baby
i love you love you a little bit
i would do it, i would say it
i would mean it, we could do it
it was you and i and if only i..

i think i'm
a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, little bit
in lo-lo-lo-lo-love with me

We own the sky

Tinaaaaa

I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around,
Always looking down at all I see

It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away


Since u been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose


I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing, I said nothing can take away these blues
'Cause nothing compares, nothing compares to you


It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you


I went to the doctor guess what he told me, guess what he told me
He said girl you better have fun, no matter what you do
But he's a fool, 'cause nothing compares, nothing compares to you


All the flowers that you planted mother, in the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
'Cause nothing compares, nothing compares to you
Nothing compares, nothing compares to you
Nothing compares, nothing compares to you

"and then he says to me kill me now kill me now kill me now.. kill me now"

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me

Mmmmm playing the ryan adams version hard. Yesterday the 30th of July, was probably one of the worst days of the year. Dead tired, moody as fuck... mum is pushing to move out of the apartment followed by getting locked out of the apartment and had to ask brad to climb into our bathroom to get us back in. I chucked a hissy fit at my mum and this random chick living with us, and i can't be fucked apologising for the way acted. My tutor warned me i was very close to being kicked out of my course because i failed to hand in an assessment, which had to be finished by that night (which i did finish by 11:45) thank god - everything just boiled out of proportion. The weather was nice today, I'm just so pissed off with a lot of things lately & i think i'm getting a cold. I think i need to be alone for a while, read or draw - finish my magazine.. i'm just way too tired. My mum is getting on my nerves. Just finished disc one of freaks and geeks. Need to check out american apparel very soon. Going to bed now, sometimes i wish i would have a wonderwall.

i found a reason

Oh I do believe
In all the things you say
What comes is better than what came before

And youd better come come, come come to me
Better come come, come come to me
Better run, run run, run run to me
Better come

Oh I do believe
In all the things you say
What comes is better that what came before

And youd better run run, run run to me
Better run, run run, run run to me
Better come, come come, come come to me
Youd better run

I'll follow you into the dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Float on

Hellooooooo. it's 4 am and i'm listening to sleep around the clock by belle and sebastian ! I've been out of writing for a bit because i've been sort of bored. I just watched Lust caution, i didn't really pay attention to 90% of the film and only borrowed it for the sex, Joan chen, tony leung and Lee hom wang. I don't get why asian films feature strong sex, then the girl cries right after it. The other week i had the bad case of insomnia, 48 hours with no sleep baybeeee - i guess i was too preoccupied with my zine which i'm purposely delaying because i want it to be released during summer, i fucking hate this weather. I watched 'unfinished sky' today, it was really good, i recommend it ! I think films are best viewed when you have no idea of what it is about before watching it. So yea go see it. mm my feet are sore from walking from oxford to circular quay! I guess i'd be doing nothing tomorrow :( I am starving! I probably should not have taken a nap earlier. Adios

I'm just a slave for your reeeeed

"I mean people go to home to their fuckin' plasma tvs.. and yeah that's not on"
haha gotta love him

Clowning around

baby you know this ain't love

My love is stronger than your love
Well baby how could this be love?
My love is stronger
My love is stronger
My love is stronger than your love

mm i listened to a conversation about music and i had never heard of this band, and i they're tops, i should chime in more often to people's private conversations. *****

blank

Woah! i haven't written in a while. I guess i'm over blogging or just lazy, maybe just a mixture of both. I haven't been able to write anything normal the past week, the weather has been craptacular. On Friday went to the whitehorse in Surry hills, and oh boy... the waiter there seriously had a pole up his arse loving arse. Nonetheless it was a good evening, the chips were awesome and so was the vodka and red bull.

The night proceeded into gaslight inn that was filled with full grown men. It got really bizarre when I met Rai from Thirsty Merc? I don't really listen to their music but i still recognised him. Funny though, i initially recognised him as the guy that looked like the guy from thirsty merc that i always see in chatswood - and as it turns out, i wasn't crazy.. he was and is from thirsty merc! He took us to some weird alleyway that led to a club, i didn't catch the name though, and it was still filled with seedy fully grown men. I'm too tired i'll write another time.

Slimane

*swoon*

*swoon*

Come and attack me it's not going to hurt

SLAM DUNK!

As you know i'm currently watching and obsessing over Seinfeld, particularly with Kramer and Elaine. On the other hand i'm drowning in assessments (again), and the other day i found $20 on the ground near the biomedical building AND finally got a job! *slam dunk!*

Self-discovery - i suck at boggle, quite mind boggling. The weather has been drab the past week and it's also the same week i chose to use public transport! *vomit* oh the winter of my disconent. Mm i'm stuck for words again... I don't know why! I managed to design the title for the magazine... about time! i don't know if i wrote that already. I'm sounding erratic again, just like cosmo kramer. After this horrible horrible week, i start my new job in a nice cubicle and hopefully go out for once! and do my magazine which i'll complete over the holidays, my goodness 'let's make love' just puts me in the best mood. Can't wait for the holidays.

Tomorrow's my last film tutorial, geez i'm going to miss it. New tutors and new faces, although i'm happy it's finally the end of english and philosophy, yuck. The other night i went to a friend's party, his dog was adorable being that of a giant German Shepherd. Quite a sausage fest though, i did have fun watching Borat and playing Wii. Very nice. Can't wait for Friday the 13th - *brow* You know it ;)


Notable quotes:

- *slamdunk!*
- "SERENITY NOW!"
- "Happy Pappy"
- "Come sit next to me, i'm not a fat bitch or anything"
- "mad conceptual bitch"
- "STELLLAAAAAA!"
- "YO YO MA!"

Song stuck in my head: Let's make love and listen to death from above/CSS

Obsessions: Seinfeld, Call of Duty 4, Lovefoxxx, Shu Qi

Manila Sky

Next week is crunch week and i've barely been productive. Lemongrove has the best egg tarts in Chatswood, can't get enough of them. I'm desconstructing Millennium Mambo, and company haveboth fallen asleep (haha) I think i'm going to hand in my philosophy essay late. It seemed that heaps of people went to Oxford st. last night, i can't wait to get out after this horrible horrible week has passed over. I'm getting lazy again.

YOYOMA

Quite tired and even closer to getting a job.

Arriane moved in, and i'm so glad she did :) This is the first time i've had trouble writing a blog entry, i really don't know, probably because i'm preoccupied with watching Seinfeld, oh my god, it is the most hilarious show (ex cartoons) "i have goosebumps COME ON TOUCH THEM!" "YA GOTTA SEE THE BABYBEE!"

I laughed so hard dad told me to shutup. I love Kramer, he's got awesome style rofl. Went around the city today to chanel, dior, fendi etc. As if you would buy a wallet for 700 bucks! I'm too tired to write, i'll blog another time.

waves

Good afternoon.

Had another satisfying dream, although not as fulfilling as the night before because I indulged in a quick game of scrabble that lasted until 4am, dammit.

Well, yes i am obsessed with the interpretation of dreams if you hadn't noticed! I was thinking, since we can lucid dream, how do we know what is real? I can be dreaming right now and not even notice and that my 'dreams' at night are actually a reality? Fuck that i'm talking about my dream now.

Another recurring dream i have involves waves. I was relaxing on the beach and going out into the ocean with my surfboard, then all of sudden the waves grew like 10 m engulfing me! i closed my eyes and swam and i eventually landed on the beach again, watching all my friends cope with the enormity of these gigantic waves. I waited until they got out of the water and watched these waves tumble, then this monster wave that was about 20 m high reached close to our sand, and we closed our eyes because we knew we were going to die. I heard a loud crash sound and opened my eyes, we were still alive! but in front of us was with huuuuge hole the wave had made. We looked down and we didn't know where the water had gone. Another dream was on the beach again and we were being photographed by a pregnant lady, and there was a sunset by the beach. Another huge wave was about to gorge us again and i pulled a confused face - then the pregnant lady told me to keep a straight face and that the waves can't touch us.

Well yeah that was my dream. Woken up by a lovely message from torz :) - can she be any sweeter? haha. That was about 2 hours ago. I'm hungry :( and watching Oprah. I desperately want some food and a new toothbrush.

the night starts here

Midnight fights & daytime riots

The night starts here... forget your name forget your fear.

On Sunday I fell asleep at 10:30 pm and woke up at 10 am, feeling pretty good. I had about 5 dreams, they were queer. I went inside a nice film school in my old school uniform and grey socks and all the girls looked at me funny and I went inside a bedroom. Then this transgender woman was aboout to make a move on me but i smudged chocolate on the bed and she started scolding me! freeeak. I went inside the bathroom to hide from this horrible woman, and saw a talking cat telling me not to worry. I hugged the cat for so long and then the lesbian came bumbling in again! i realised i had no pants on and i told her to get out.

Another dream involved time travel. The washing machine was full of dirty clothes and we had to get rid of heaps so i could fit inside in order to travel back in time! And now i forgot all the other dreams i had. damn.

On friday i kicked and punched Lana in the face, i think it was from my dream of losing teeth. I always hit her when i fall asleep. Today will smell like tomorrow.

SEX

Lalala so much controversy around this whole Bill Henson ordeal, and lalalala this whole thing will blow over (pun intended). I'm not going to voice my opinion like every other art fan because the whole thing is retarded. One strange thing about me is that i love photography that borders on the erotic, but i really, don't like pornography. Here's a tribute to Mr. Henson with other erotic photos from notable photographers. Shame on anyone for thinking that he's a ped! (there you go i voiced an opinion!) this reminds me of Australia wanting to ban Mysterious Skin - seriously, i'm going to repeat myself - what the fuck! So here's some fucking with style from some of my favourite photographers. I know they're not 13 year olds but who cares. Enjoy.

Photographers: Jonnie Craig, Jonathan Szabo, Terry Richardson, Nobuyoshi Araki and Bill Henson

Hot

had another dream with my teeth falling out.
what the fuck!

Do you want to come over to kill some time?

... put your arms around me

Having a blog is a sad reminder of how repetitive life can be. Woken up by my dad watching youtube videos as usual and my phone vibrating - and.. it was Steph! I haven't heard her voice in over a month and it was like a breath of fresh air. Good times, good times. Our conversation kept being interrupted by another phone call crossing the phone line. I can't wait to go to America next year, living it up in San Francisco and New York for about a month, sexy.

Indiana Jones tomorrow! classy.

what is love..

..baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more
(haha)

'Pure as fire pure as snow I knew that i found you'
'cause' you are too beautiful to fuck'
'sorry to be heavy but heavy is the cost'
'you're the piece of gold that flashes on my soul'
'she has trouble drinking milk and being school tardy'
'all the world in one grain of sand and i blown it all my world in one grain of sand and you own it'
'ten days of perfect tunes the colours red and blue we had a promise made we were in love'
'you're my favourite my moment you're my saturday'
'mirror tell her please that she's the fairest of all'
'come on hide your lovers underneath the covers'
'you know it's a pleasure to be here come on we can be here'
'oh i am not quite sleeping oh i am fast in bed'
'what ever words i say i will always love you'
'ocean breathes salty won't you carry it in your head, in your breath in your soul'
'Mother weep the years I'm missing all our time can't be given back'

Fat bitch

I haven't sat in front of the television and actually 'watched' it for a while. My tv's on most of the time, but i mainly use it if for background noise to numb any conscious thought. So, i watched Will & Grace and Sex & the city and i forgot how good those shows were. It was a particularly old episode of Sex and the city, i can tell because Carrie talks to the audience. I just literally turned on the tv on and Kirsten Davis is on Letterman, and I remember there's a sex and the city movie - I guarantee the movie will be shit cake. I'm so bored at the moment and i just realised having a public blog means people you hate get a glimpse of your rants, but i guess that's okay as long as i don't know who they are.. i suppose. Chloe Sevigny guest starred on Will and Grace and, has anybody else noticed this but doesn't she kind of look like Sarah Jessica Parker? But like a prettier version and not quite looking like a foot? I wonder what a brown bunny is. Sevigny has a nice voice.

I'm going to read and work on my zine. I've finally developed a concept for a comic - how do you like dem apples?!

HUZZAH!

Negro?

Basically sleeping all throughout my lectures and tutorials, I finally decided that I needed some sort of reward for my efforts for actually turning up. Yesterday at the rsl dad introduced me to one of his Negro friends. But by that i mean his friend coming from Montenegro. Did you laugh or were you deeply shocked and offended that I said 'Negro'? I'd rather you laughed you ignorant racist scum. Montenegro is situated in south east Europe lying next to Serbia, Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, and the proper term for a person coming from Montenegro is 'Montenegrin', so i can safely call him a negrin or a 'neggi.'

Well this neggi had on one of the best outfits a geriatric could wear. I wish I had a photograph. A simple black cardigan like coat layered with a black and white intricately patterned woolly gold buttoned vest and white shirt accompanied with a cute patterned bow tie. I thought it was absolutely adorable! Apparently he cheats in chess.

I'm going a bit off topic, but anyways after hopping off the train I ducked into a Vinnies and saw a similar looking coat to his patterned vest, and yeah i bought it. I've already cut out the shoulder pads and I'm going cut the bottom so it'll look like a penguin suit. Did i mention i almost stepped on a tiny dog wearing a cardigan lying in the middle of the store?

Well that's a bastard combination of some of the interesting things that have happened over the past two days that I thought were worthy of mention. I also bought a book of textures and pattterns at Kinokuniya and have had steak for dinner three times in a row and currently surfing the crimson wave. And yes, I was at the rsl with my dad. I just have to say this, new south is a small place, you run into everyone. For now, goodbye i'm trying to dress like an old negga.

again and again

Qi Shu

I wanted to actually have hair like this once, and by once i mean five months ago.

Personal

I can never get a song out of my head unless I preoccupy myself with another one, so let me introduce my blog with the simple lyrical genius that is of 'Stars.'

wanted: single f
under 33
must enjoy the sun
must enjoy the sea
sought by single m
mrs destiny
send photo to address
is it you and me?

reply to single m:
my name is caroline
cell phone number here
call if you have the time
28 and bored
grieving over loss
sorry to be heavy
but heavy is the cost
heavy is the cost

reply to caroline:
thanks so much for response
these things can be scary
not always what you want
how about a drink?
this ancient club at noon
i'll phone you first i guess
i hope i see you soon

i never got your name
i assume you're 33
your voice it sounded kind
i hope that you like me
when you see my face
i hope that you don't laugh
i'm not a film star beauty
i'll send a photograph
i hope that you don't laugh

not to single m:
why did you not show up?
i waited for an hour
i finally gave up
i thought once that i saw you
i thought that you saw me
i guess we'll never meet now
it wasn't meant to be
it wasn't mean to be
i was sure you saw me
but it wasn't meant to be

wanted: single f
under 33
must enjoy the sun
must enjoy the sea
sought by single m
nothing too heavy
send photo to address
is it you or me?
is it you or me?
is it you or me?
is it you or me?
- Personal